The idea of grounding, also called earthing, is what the latest health and nature influencers are calling “the next big thing.” Grounding is a method of reconnecting with nature, and according to several women’s health magazines, grounding could help reduce inflammation, let us absorb Earth’s electrons, foster serenity, and realign chakras. One blogger even claimed it can help restore and enhance primitive instincts like defense, self-preservation, and even drive to reproduce. How intriguing. It seems as though these magazines are finding yet another way to solve all of our problems with super simple natural solutions.
I thought to myself, “I must give this a try.” I mean, all the critics’ reviews are raving and I’ve been longing to absorb Earth’s electrons since I was like 3 years old!
So, for the first time in God knows how long, I touched some grass. Out on the front lawn, I flung my socks aside and embraced the inner-Earther that Cosmopolitan ensured existed inside of us all, closing my eyes and feeling the electrons completing a circuit within my body, only to be interrupted by the gardener telling me to get out of the way. Despite the intrusion, I prevailed and re-focused on feeling the energy travel through my body—like the original 1960’s tree-huggers did. It was great.
After the first few moments, I immediately felt the effects begin to take place. I had a sudden urge to throw my iPhone into the road and purchase a rotary phone to call my friends while listening to Mr. Tambourine Man by the Byrds on my 8-track player. The energy traveled through my legs and up to my chest, and my previous problems began to seem…not so serious.
After a little more light research in Women’s Health Today, I discovered that modern culture draws us away from our connections with nature. Industrialization is the enemy and technology is the cause of most stressors. I think it will behoove me to keep this up. What’s the worst that could happen—I grow branches? Grounding, allegedly, is one of the increasingly popular “natural remedies” that doesn’t require us to look towards artificial sources or medications for healing.
After a week of grounding, I realized before you can actually stop and smell the roses. Nobody will stop you, but they may give you a weird look—you’ll get used to those. Don’t mind the haters. They’re probably just in mercury retrograde—whatever that means. I began to integrate the word “groovy” into my daily vocabulary. It’s a versatile word, I dig it.
After a month of grounding, I ran to the nearest boutique searching for patterned headbands, to which the woman at the counter replied that they’ve been out of stock since 1977. I recognized the evil nature behind capitalism and classism. All those ill-intentioned social climbers and influencers of class disparity really began to piss me off. I told anyone who would listen about the real meaning behind The Great Gatsby. Damn you, Tom Buchanan.
Experts in grounding say its effectiveness stems from all the conditioning we’re forced to undergo in today’s society that rips us away from our dirt-dwelling roots. They say shoes dramatically alter the natural shape of our feet and give us knee, neck, back, leg, head, arm, toe, elbow, and even gastrointestinal problems. They say modernism has ruined us all, and we all know those medieval peasants were doing a lot better than we are. After incorporating grounding into my daily routine, I also realized that I no longer had any health issues, or stress! Just 30 minutes a day outside photosynthesizing with my toes buried in the soil had rid me of any and all internal and external strife that I’d faced before. All of the health concerns my doctor had been pestering me about over the years suddenly vanished. I think.
Truthfully, I must admit the studies I previously referred to allured me by their use of data and science-y words. “Negative charge,” “therapeutic,” and “barometric pressure” only leave me feeling really reassured that I’m not blindly following the latest health fad. How ridiculous would that be? I choose to disregard the whole part about how nothing is actually proven, because in the end, it’s really the results that matter anyways.
It’s clear that there are benefits—no matter how “insignificant” they may be–whether we want to attribute the positive effects of grounding to exposure to nature, fresh air, or placebo. Maybe humans just crave simplicity in the midst of their complicated lives. Maybe they just want to feel like they’re doing something productive for their spiritual health. Maybe they just want to feel the ultraviolet rays on their skin. I will also say though, I feel personally flattered by the Earth’s willingness to heal me—like, isn’t that so groovy? It chose me!
