Ever since I was young, the thought of being rejected has influenced my decisions. It created the narrative in my head that being told ‘no’ means I’m inferior. That fear, admittedly, has prevented me from seeking out so many prospective opportunities. But recently, I realized that if I never put myself out there, the chances that are potentially waiting for me may disappear forever. So, over the past month, I made it my mission to get rejected as many times as possible. My hope was that as I suffered rejection after rejection, I would become accustomed to and less afraid of failure. 

I decided to look into this after discovering that psychologists have learned that social acceptance is a fundamental part of adolescent development and that an absence of this reassurance can impair self-esteem and deter people from leaving their comfort zone. However, psychologists have also found that rejection on small scales is actually healthy for the human mind, helping build resilience and problem-solving skills. According to a study on rejection, those who persist after initial rejection instead of giving up tend to be more emotionally stable and self-confident.

I wanted to apply these principles to my own life and try to become a more confident person by putting myself through repeated bouts of rejection. Not only that, but I felt like I was constantly letting my fear of the word ‘no’ prevent me from stepping outside of my comfort zone and experiencing new opportunities.

So, I started small. I worried that if I immediately dove into something too ambitious and failed, I might be less inclined to finish my experiment. I began by asking my friends to do random things with me—running to the post office, walking my dogs, things like that. Though to anyone else that may seem trivial, I was afraid of coming across as hyper-dependent or just weird. Understanding that my fear was slightly irrational, I asked, and was met with mostly positive responses. Little things like these helped me develop closer relationships with the people I already love being around while also building my confidence.

Perhaps most significant were my more public attempts at getting rejected. Recently, my friend and I went to a concert, and we both decided to wait in line to buy merch. At every concert I go to, I usually buy a poster to put up in my room, so seeing that this selection didn’t offer a poster for sale at the event disappointed me. Despite this, I looked up to my right and saw the event outreach poster, framed above the open bar. I asked if it was for sale, but the staff member working the booth said no. Knowing this was a good opportunity to advance my experiment, I inquired if I could have it when the show was over. Fearing I was being too forward, I fully expected him to say no, but instead, he offered to hold on to it for me until the show was over. While this wasn’t necessarily a life-changing moment, going out on a limb to ask worked in my favor. 

Despite my early success, I knew I wouldn’t continue to receive all positive results. I did, in fact, get rejected quite a few times over the course of the last month. I applied to multiple internships, some realistic and some more of a stretch. While I’m still waiting on a response from a few, I was denied from four others that I had applied to. As a high-school junior, the prospect of not having enough extracurriculars or activities to pad my resume is frankly very frightening. But as the rejection emails rolled in, I became less reliant on validation from a program choosing me. Rather than being flat out disappointed, I realized that just because one place doesn’t need me doesn’t mean that there isn’t a place for me elsewhere. Putting less stock in the external validation has shown me the value in believing that I’m good enough. With that being said, it still didn’t feel great to be turned down, but at least I’m making progress.

This experiment, funnily enough, has opened doors for me that I otherwise would have never dreamt of. I even got a second job. I have two friends who work at the same place down the street and I decided to contact their boss not expecting them to take it seriously. My friends had said they weren’t hiring, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. A week later I sat down for an interview and was hired right there on the spot. 

I never imagined I would find myself intentionally trying to get rejected, but as I’ve noticed over this past month, I tend to make the prospect of failure a lot more detrimental in my head than it actually is. This realization has helped me to find opportunity in seemingly out-of-reach ambitions. I can’t say the feeling of doom has gone away completely, but it’s been significantly soothed. My once-debilitating fear of being told no has evolved into a sense of pride in myself for learning that there is so much waiting for me if I choose not to take rejection as a finality—rejection is redirection.