I was 7 when my parents divorced. After I was told, my mom and dad drove me to my mom’s soon-to-be townhome and asked me how I felt about it. 

I replied with a half-hearted “it’s cool” and sat on the couch, looking around at the Pinterest-perfect interior. It would be my new home, they said. For 50% of the time at least. In the moment, I was confused and a little taken aback. This, after all, was a lot for a 7-year-old brain to process.

“Will you guys ever get back together?” I asked, uneducated and curious about the idea of separation. My mom replied with an unconvincing “maybe,” but she knew it would never happen. 

That was eight years ago. 

For the first two years, I was crushed. Having to adjust to the hassle of moving between two houses made me frustrated and bitter. Lugging clothes and school supplies back and forth, dealing with an awkwardly blended family, and having to work through scheduling conflicts sucked. I’d forget things at one house and let it ruin my day, and I began to blame my parents’ separation for anything that went askew in my life. 

But now, having adjusted to these circumstances and having lived with it for as long as I have, I feel different. I am almost glad that my world turned upside down.  Even though the hardships from the beginning didn’t necessarily disappear, in my personal experience, the positive tends to outweigh all those negative aspects. 

First of all, both my mom and my dad are much happier being apart, which in turn benefits me because I’m not constantly surrounded by apparent dislike and enduring resentment, regardless of how much they try to hide it. Both my dad and mom are now remarried, so, instead, I am exposed to what healthy relationships look like. They can influence me to look for the right qualities in my own relationships. Also, the additions to my family on both sides have allowed me to go from having just one younger sister to now having three younger sisters and a younger brother, all of whom I adore. Without my parents going their separate ways, I wouldn’t have met them.

Not only has my relationship with my parents strengthened due to the divorce, but my relationship with my blood sister has continued to grow deeper as well. We debrief about everything every day and she and I know each other better than anyone else in the world. Having this common hardship to bond over has  brought us closer, as we have something to relate to with each other beyond our separate hobbies and interests. 

One of the best things about having two homes also, is having double of virtually everything. It’s common to hear about the “two Christmas” advantage, which is nice, but it’s more the spirit of the holiday rather than the concept of gifts. I’ve never been much of a materialistic person, and I find the best gifts to be experiences and good memories with my family and friends. Having two Christmases, I get to have these experiences twice a year, and instead of deciding whether to go with my mom or dads’ family for Christmas, I get to see both. 

Another benefit of having two spaces is the difference in location. My dad lives in Del Mar, while my mom lives here in Rancho Peñasquitos. I couldn’t be happier with the location of my houses, regardless of the 20 minute drive to school half the time. Having both houses located in different towns really allows me to feel like I’m living in two different realities. At my dad’s, I get to go to the beach all the time because it’s only a few minutes away. At my mom’s, I’m close to all my friends and can hang out with them any time.

In no way am I trying to say that having to deal with two homes is easy, because it’s not. But, in the grand scheme of things, it’s easy for me to reflect on all the positive experiences and wins I’ve gotten out of it, and be grateful for the life I have.