Nothing puts me in the holiday spirit more than my Christmas music playlist, which defrosts every year on the first day of November. With my beautiful, extensive list of songs, I begin celebrating the final 55 days before Christmas, which are completely devoted to festive cheer and family, gingerbread and holly. Over the course of my many hours of listening, I have come to realize, there are 10 songs that stand out most to me, for better or worse. They are ranked from the most Grinch-like repulsive at No. 10 to the most Christmas-morning charming at No. 1. They are as follows:
#10 “Snowman” by Sia – What was once a popular 2020 TikTok singing trend soon became the epitome of shame. I may have once considered this song a pleasant, yearning love song, but the whine in Sia’s voice combined with the embarrassment I feel about my cringe, middle-school self has bittered my impression of the song. My grievances place “Snowman” in dead last. Bah humbug!
#9 “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt – I’m well aware that this tune is considered a “Christmas classic,” but gee does it get old really quickly. Although Kitt’s tone is at first alluring, the cat-like purr of her voice quickly shifts from enticing to annoying, and the song seems like a never-ending repetition of the same verse and chorus. If I hear Kitt smirk out another “Santa Baby,” I might be sick. I may prefer this song if it ended at the 1:30 mark rather than the torturous 3:26. Maybe then it’d be digestible without making me want to hurl. I think I prefer eggnog in my stomach, not spewed on the tree.
#8 “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by Dean Martin – We begin to enter the songs I actually enjoy, and that journey starts with this conversational song by Martin. It’s jazzy, it’s jolly, it’s everything I hope for and expect from a 1940s Christmas song. However, like in “Santa Baby,” Martin loves to repeat his favorite line, “Baby, it’s cold outside,” between every line. At some point, he has to realise that Mrs. Dean, his wife and the female singer in the piece, gets it: it’s cold. Let’s move on please. No means no. Clearly, that wasn’t emphasized enough in 1944.
#7 “DEEAREAYESEEOH” by DOLE FM – Seven remixes of nasty Playboi Carti lyrics with classic Christmas song jingles make up the silly, hype album “VAMPMUS” in which “DEEAREAYESEEOH” is the final track. Honestly, I’d never play this song in front of other people, because I know I’d get pointed and laughed at for the pure absurdity of the combination of Carti’s raps with a piano base, but that ridiculousness is what brings me joy—and joy is almost synonymous with Christmas, is it not? Merry Vampmas, Carti.
#6 “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by The Jackson 5 – Who doesn’t adore the youthful belting of The Jackson 5? This song is an adorable satire about the little Jacksons catching their mommy kissing Santa, assuming a ridiculous affair, not realizing that Daddy is suited up in red and white to bring magic into their Christmas morning. Childhood was just that way for many of us: magical and absolutely silly. What a joy it is to be a kid again! I’m gonna tattle-tale on Santa!
#5 “Run Rudolph Run” by Chuck Berry – Berry’s rock song is a welcome break from the typical ballads of most old Christmas classics. As I boogie, I also cheer on our favorite reindeer as he’s “whizzen’ like a Saber jet.” This song is the only one exempt from my “I-hate-repetition” rule because yes, we must repeat the command for Rudolph to stay on track. He’s only a deer after all—not a rocket scientist.
#4 “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé – I must admit, Bublé is the epitome of Christmas. This song is the first that I play on the morning of November 1, because it practically officiates the start of the holiday season. The song’s a classic and Bublé’s voice is as crystal clear and charming as ever. As he lists the “tree in the grand hotel,” “candy canes,” and “bells,” I begin to plot my long list of festive activities to complete before December 25. Like Bublé said, “it’s Christmas once a more,” so we must plan accordingly.
#3 “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey – It’s ti-i-i-i-i-ime for Christmas Queen Mariah Carey! This song may be the only modern Christmas song to make the top few rankings of my list because it resonates the sparkle and bold rejoice of a New York Roquette show. It’s grand, but still features jingle bells in the back beats. It’s a love song, but far more celebratory than doting. And what’s a Mariah Carey song without her iconic whistle notes? I’ll be breaking glassware all December with my imitations of that shrill. Can’t wait!
#2 “Last Christmas” by Wham! – This Wham! hit almost made first place. Maybe I’m just a sucker for the airy melodies and danceable rhythm of ’80s Christmas music, but this track never gets old. It’s revived every December as the world remembers that despite the adversity of life, there’s always hope for the future. Maybe Wham!’s song didn’t “save me from tears,” but it’s a warm reminder that there’s always next Christmas.
#1 “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by BandAid – Welcome to first place! BandAid’s top song earned the gold medal and my kiss under the mistletoe. The 1984 version is just old enough to be a Christmas classic, but modern enough to include characteristic uplifting drum beats and dreamy synth. This song contains my favorite outro of all Christmas songs, announcing “Feed the world! Let them know it’s Christmas time!” The altruistic message and mellow, yet passionate tone make “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” the ultimate Christmas song to remind you what the Christmas season is about: sharing love. You can share love, and then hit the dance floor. Happy holidays, everyone. Merry listening.
