Dear Swasti (9), 

You’re scared. You’re scared of speaking up because you think you’ll be wrong. You ask your friends if your answers are right before sharing them. You’re scared of failing, and you’re scared because it seems like everyone around you knows what they’re doing. You don’t really know what you like and what your future holds, and that worries you. 

I want to be honest with you, because you’re not always honest with yourself. You are going to make mistakes. Sometimes, you’ll write an essay or article so poorly that you think you should stop writing. Sometimes, you’ll lose friends and trick yourself into believing that what others say about you is true. 

I won’t tell you how to avoid those things, because making those mistakes is going to teach you who you are. Keep putting all your effort into everything you choose to do, and eventually, you’ll be alright. You’ll fall, but you’ll get back up again.

So take what life throws at you. Believe in yourself, speak for your convictions, do what brings you joy, love and be loved, and I promise you’ll find your place.

L-104, the Honors English room you were once too scared to participate in, will become your second home. The UCSD Zoom that you’ve spent more time on than you ever should’ve is going to become a place you cherish long after the Mock Trial season ends. 

Despite how much you care (for the most part) about the things you do, you often use them as an escape from the world around you. I get it. It’s easier to write a closing argument than grieve the people you’ve lost in the last few years. But I want you to know that you matter just as much as the people you care about. It’s not you or them—you truly can choose both. You deserve to be patient and kind with yourself, to be happy not only for those around you, but for yourself. 

Don’t put up a facade when you’re not okay. You may not feel like it right now, but you’ll learn that you’re cared for. From the way Mr. Wenger discusses anything and everything with you during any period of the day to the way Mrs. Cox asks and re-asks if you’re okay even when you say you are to the way Mr. Spiess is eager and enthusiastic to delve into issues you care about even though you never turn assignments in, you’ll learn that you’re supported. 

Yet you’re still always incredibly harsh on yourself, expecting nothing less than perfection. Especially now, you constantly feel like you need to prove yourself. 

That’s okay, because you’ll grow. You’ll grow to learn that failure is not a lack of perfection, but a lack of trying. And you can always try.

In the next four years, you’ll get closer to your passions and make memories you’ll never want to let go of. 

Be proud of yourself. You’ll go far. 

With lots of love, 

Swasti (12)