I’m on an epic journey, an undertaking that only the most experienced can hope to succeed in, a search for the ever-elusive formula for something precious: the perfect nap. 

Recently, one of my friends, who is a master at dozing during the day, suggested I experience the benefits of a nap for myself. Even as a daytime nap novice, I thought I was ready for the challenge and laid down to welcome an easy victory. To my disappointment, for an hour I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable enough to actually sleep; the atmosphere was all wrong, the bed felt more like rocks, and the blankets seemed to be folding in on themselves in some kind of space-time anomaly. By the end of the whole ordeal, all I got out of it was an aching neck. My frustration only grew when I got a text from my friend who had just woken up and was positively crowing about their luxurious, restful nap: something I was unable to achieve. Obviously, I flew into a jealous rage and vowed to one day reach such a state of nirvana. That day, my quest for the perfect nap began!

One of the main problems I have to tackle is that of the location. A good nap must be uninterrupted, so a private, secluded space like my bedroom would be the obvious choice. However, in my bedroom, I faced a difficult decision: the bed or the floor? The bed seemed like a no-brainer at first, but then I remembered a past nap attempt. Several times I’ve climbed into bed with the intention of a restful nap, but I wasn’t sure the bed was the right choice. I felt a bit like Goldilocks, unable to get comfortable in a strange bed. Something about the daytime air made the whole experience unfamiliar. So, maybe it would be good to try something else. The floor might give me back pain, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Then, I have to decide how long I want to nap for. Just napping with no set time limit ultimately ends with a ruined sleep schedule, so setting an alarm is imperative. But how long should a nap be? With the power of Google on my side, I pored through convoluted graphics and articles detailing the optimal length for a nap and saw way too many big words while searching for the answer to a very simple question (what in the world is a prophylactic nap?). Eventually, my hard work and research paid off, and I discovered that 10-20 minutes makes for a great power nap, while 90 minutes gives you a full sleep cycle, ensuring that you won’t wake up more tired than you were before. I’m not putting this whole plan together for a lousy 10 minutes of sleep, so I won’t settle for less than 90 minutes.

Once I set my alarm, I then had to solve  the issue of ambience. There has to be a perfect environment for a successful nap, and finicky factors like temperature and lighting make achieving this nearly impossible. On a hot day, no one wants to suffocate under a blanket. It seems like cold days, when the temperature drops to the 60s, are the only option. Any warmer than that and I’ll surely overheat. And no, I cannot take the blanket off, as it is necessary to be in full burrito-mode for naptime. In terms of lighting, should it be pitch black, curtains closed? Or, should I relax in the sunlight streaming through the window like cats do? Cats seem to have this whole nap thing figured out. I think I’ll follow their example and find a nice spot by a window to curl up in.

Finally, the most important decision of all: how many stuffed animals should I sleep with? I’ll need at least one, of course, but should I focus on one or pile them by the dozens? There are so many options to choose from, ranging from pocket-sized to as big as my pillow. I’m tempted to bring every single one! I think I have enough love to give—I’m bringing all of them with me.

Now I have my strategy: I just need exactly 90 minutes of uninterrupted time on the floor at the perfect temperature and sunlight streaming at a precise angle through a window with all of my stuffed animals. With my foolproof plan, surely I’m well on my way to reaching the perfect nap!