It’s been three years since I stepped foot on Westview’s brutalist concrete. Trees have been planted, benches have been painted, and the budget has thoroughly decreased. Yet, I cannot help but wonder how I’ve changed. My last year of high school has approached with disconcerting speed and I find myself unmatured and lost, a stark contrast to the person I had hoped to be as a starry-eyed freshman.

What could be the reason for this? I met all my academic goals. In every encounter with a deadline, I came out victorious.  I got it done in the nick of time with minutes, sometimes even seconds to spare, a triumphant smile on my face and deep eye bags as well-earned prizes. Assignment after assignment, exam after exam, I pushed forward. 

But, what about my personal goals? The ones without deadlines? 

I’ve always wanted to be more organized. I want to create the simple productive habits of not stuffing everything in my desk or hiding things in my closet, saying I’ll clean it later. 

I’ve always wanted to learn how to better manage my stress and anxiety. Instead of bottling things up and allowing my feelings to devolve in an unpredictable manner, I want to be able to address such turmoil firsthand. 

I’ve always wanted to be a more erudite and educated person. I want to read a more diverse variety of books, expanding my knowledge about the boundless world outside of my home, from different cultures to sciences to governmental policy; I want to know it all. 

I’ve always wanted to be a better friend. I’ve received so much love and care from those around me, but I do not know if I’ve reciprocated in kind. 

I’ve always wanted to spend more time with my grandmother. I find that I haven’t built much connection with her, even though her bedroom is only one floor down from mine and I’m able to speak some rudimentary Vietnamese. 

I tell myself, today is the day I’m going to do these things.

But, what about that assignment, due in two hours? The article I haven’t finished writing yet? The looming SAT I need to study for? The AP Literature book I haven’t touched? 

There are so many other things I need to do that feel more, not necessarily important, but doltishly urgent, just because of the impending doom of a ticking clock. And, therefore instead of pushing forward, I have pushed my personal goals back, the goals that matter to me the most, procrastinating them day after day, week after week, year after year with no discernable end.

So, as my senior year approaches, I’ve made a promise to myself: I’m going to do the things I sought long ago to accomplish and become the person who will make my younger self proud—starting today, not tomorrow.