In middle school, the Kpop boy band BTS was practically my whole life. I joined their fandom a little less than a year before they dropped one of their biggest songs to date, Boy With Luv. After that song was released, their popularity skyrocketed from the already incredibly large following they had before. It was really exciting to see my friends go from “Who’s BTS?” to memorizing all of the members’ birthdays and fangirling over their newly dropped music videos as I watched proudly, relishing in the fact that I was an early fan.

During my sixth-grade year, I remember proudly prancing around my middle school’s campus, decked out in my BTS merch, listening to their Love Yourself 結 ‘Answer’ album. My fit included a BTS lanyard, a BT21 (their character line) watch and keychain, pins with each member’s face on it, a necklace that had “ARMY” (the name of BTS’ fanbase) spelled out in silver metal letters, and my sixth generation iPod touch that I covered with BTS stickers and a BTS Jungkook photocard.

I not only covered myself in BTS merch but their influence could also be seen in my possessions as well. I adorned both my room and my middle-school locker with BTS photos and hung them up everywhere I could.

Most of my conversations with my friends in middle school consisted of us bonding over the boy band, talking excitedly about our plans to attend one of their concerts. Back then, I thought my ARMY days would never end. However, it turns out I was wrong. When we were sent into lockdown, my attachment to BTS started to dwindle and my friends and I started to bond over other artists and started to talk about just what was going on in our lives instead of the band.

After my BTS phase ended, I never really watched any of their videos or looked at their posts again; I thought I had moved on from that stage of my life. But, I was yet again proven wrong.

Recently, I stumbled upon a video of BTS performing one of their fan favorites, which also happens to be my favorite song of theirs: Mikrokosmos, performed during their Love Yourself: Speak Yourself tour finale in Seoul. At first, I thought that it would just be fun to watch the video for the memories, but as I hummed to the music, watching the purple glowing lightsticks wave around in the ocean of fans, I felt an indescribable emotion wash over me.

Whether it was from the countless nights I had stayed up listening to Mikrokosmos on repeat or from seeing the members for the first time in a long while, I started to tear up a bit.

I fell into reminiscing about all the times that I would say the BTS fan chant at school with my friends, screaming “Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook, BTS!” across the quad.  And while I was feeling sentimental, I also felt an overwhelming sense of pride.

The band had grown so much and gained such a large following in such a short amount of time, and I got to be a part of that following, avidly supporting them for a formative part of my life.

Now, whether it be looking through my old BTS items or passing by a billboard with their faces on it, I always have that same feeling of pride come back. Even though I don’t exactly “stan” them anymore, I guess a little part of me will always be a part of the BTS ARMY, cheering them on like I did in middle school.