Two weeks ago, I was having a really bad week. I had lost a best friend, I wasn’t attending my classes, I was overwhelmed by makeup schoolwork, and I had ripped my favorite pair of pants in a place that there was no coming back from. I was anxious, I was suffering, and it was painful.

Usually, during these times, I have a tendency to withdraw. Crippled by anxiety or depression, I can go days without stepping foot on campus, seeing my friends’ faces, or interacting with my teachers—all things I typically find joy in. 

But this time, I didn’t do those things, which was momentous. Instead, I communicated to my friends, teachers, and counselor how I was feeling and why; I was a stranger to the feeling I once felt so familiar with when I spiraled—loneliness.

I attended my friend, James Wang’s (12), wrestling senior night, Feb. 2. One of my friends was holding a sign for James, somebody else was holding a balloon and flowers, and another was raising a cutout of James’ face above his head. It was a large gym, filled with an endless row of bleachers, but sitting there, eating Rubio’s, and losing our voices supporting a friend, was so intimate. 

When James began to wrestle, I was confused. I didn’t understand the rules for wrestling, and I wasn’t sure if he was winning. At times, James’ opponents would hold James down and I would scream, “COME ON, JAMES! GET UP.” My friends sat behind me making commentary.

They kept saying things like “James is massive,” or “James is on his knees,” or “You ain’t gonna take that James,” and “Knock ’em out, James!”

These ridiculous, immature comments gave me a refreshing, light-hearted feeling during a difficult time in my life.

When the final round ended, and the buzzer blared, the competitors stood facing each other in front of the referee. 

The referee raised James’ hand. We boomed. 

After the meet, the joyous atmosphere brought me back to a childlike feeling. My friends and I did cartwheels on the gym floor and we watched how high our friend could jump when he bounced off the wall. 

I love my friends on any day, but especially when I’m wrestling with dark thoughts, I want to be around them. They never fail to act like fools around me, making me smile. During trying moments in my life, in this interconnected web of support I’ve created, I realized that I never have to feel alone, again.