When Julia Dailard (12) opened her first college acceptance letter, she was thrilled to continue on with this next chapter in her life. But, unlike most other students getting into college, Dailard did not run to tell her parents. Instead, she looked for encouragement and happiness from other role models in her life. 

Dailard grew up without a mother, and constantly searched for a female figure to look up to. 

“Mothers will always be there for you in a way that no one else can be,” Dailard said. “The reason why we always go back to our mothers is that they were our first home. They feel like home. For me, it has felt like a constant longing and a constant search for a home.”

Momentous occasions in her life have often left her to look for encouragement from people other than her father. After getting into college, Dailard was able to find support in her friend’s mother who gave her the reaction she would have hoped for from her parents. 

“When I first found out that I got into University of Washington, I was at my friend’s house and I went and told her mom,” Dailard said. “She was jumping up and down, she gave me the biggest hug, and she was so excited for me. That was a level of support and excitement that I had never felt before. It was obvious that she felt so genuinely proud of me.”

Similarly, Kaya Adams (10) has also grown up without a mother, This maternal role in her life has been filled by her great-aunt, who adopted her and her siblings when they were young. 

“I call my great-aunt ‘mom’ and I have since I was little,” Adams said. “I just think of her as my mom.”

Adams said that her great-aunt has positively changed her life in countless ways. Her role as a mother figure in Adams’ life has made a huge difference in her ability to achieve her goals. 

“Everything she does for me has a good impact,” Adams said. “Whether it’s giving me advice, taking me to sports practice, or helping me with school, she does it all.”

According to Adams, her great-aunt always supported her and never let her and her siblings see if she was upset. 

“Because she was older when she adopted us, she really always had it together,” Adams said. “I never had to see her struggle, and we never really saw her sad or stressed about anything.” 

Her great-aunt’s encouragement has allowed Adams to go far in life. Because of their strong bond, Adams is treated like any mother would treat their child, and this love from her great-aunt has created a supportive, familial environment for Adams to grow up in. 

“She adopted me and my siblings from a very abusive household,” Adams said. “She saved us. She treats us all equally like we’re her own children and any opportunity or anything we want to do, she pushes us to do it.”

Adams said that she can rely on her aunt when thinking about her career after school. She’s a role model to Adams because of her successful career and ability to maintain stability in the life of Adams and her siblings. 

“She’s a nurse so I definitely look up to her when I want to talk about what I want to do in the future,” Adams said. “I always go to her.”

In a similar way, Dailard has also found a woman in her life who inspires her to grow up to be successful and strong. According to Dailard, her dad’s girlfriend is the definition of a strong, independent woman and embodies many of the characteristics that Dailard strives to be in her own life. 

“She runs her own business, she works harder than anyone I know, but at the same time manages to take care of herself,” Dailard said. “She has all of these things to juggle but she seems to do it so gracefully. I look up to her because she’s able to accomplish so much for herself and for others.”

Without her mother and with a father that worked a full-time job, Dailard found herself needing to grow up and be independent very quickly.

“Since I haven’t had a consistent nurturing figure in my life, my sister and I were forced to be very independent very early,” Dailard said. “Down the line, I developed a lot of resentment towards having to be independent. It wasn’t my choice; it was forced on me. So I got really exhausted from having to take care of myself.”

Because of this growing resentment towards taking care of herself, Dailard began to have a less healthy lifestyle. 

“There’s an expectation that once you get to this age, you start to take care of yourself, provide yourself with basic needs, and cook yourself meals,” Dailard said. “But that had been the expectation for me for so long that it got to a point where I didn’t care anymore and I lost a lot of weight. It was really stressful.”

Luckily, her dad’s girlfriend was able to step in and take care of Dailard in a way that she had not previously been taken care of. This helped her get back on track and reestablish healthier eating habits. 

“She came to talk to me and said ‘Hey, this isn’t healthy. I’m here to take care of you and support you in the ways that you need,’” Dailard said. “She always checks up on me: asking what I did for lunch today and reminding me to take care of myself. It’s been really nice to just have someone offer to make me a sandwich.”

To Dailard, having a female role model is extremely important for girls. She thinks that having someone in your life who understands what you’re going through can help young women to cope with the pressures placed on them.

“Because of the way that society functions, and the inequalities in our society, there is a lot more that’s expected of women in terms of how they act and their role,” Dailard said. “Growing up as a young girl is very hard and it’s really important to have nurturing figures in our lives that understand what we’re going through and have gone through the same thing.”

Although she has had to find a role model in the various female figures in her life, Dailard says that she still looks to her mother’s legacy as a guide for her future. 

“The biggest female role model in my life is my mom, even though she’s not here,” Dailard said. “All the things she was, I strive to be— how well-respected she was, how powerful she was, how grounded she was, how intelligent she was. That is everything I could ever hope to be.”