Claire Choi (11) always felt at home in California. It’s the place where she was born, where she grew up, and where her fondest memories of childhood took place. So, when she found herself sitting in an unfamiliar classroom during her first year of high school, hundreds of thousands of miles away in South Korea, she felt isolated. She felt like she didn’t belong.
“I’ve been in the US all my life,” Choi said. “I was born in San Francisco and then moved to San Diego in first grade. I went to Willow Grove and grew up in this school district until I moved away my freshman year to Korea. It was like a whole new world for me.”
The transition wasn’t easy. Choi had visited Korea multiple times before, but actually living there was much different than just visiting for a couple of weeks. There were many aspects of Korea that Choi didn’t feel comfortable with, and having grown up with American culture, she wasn’t used to.
“[Korea] is very constrictive,” Choi said. “I feel like [in the US] everyone is so accepting, but there, it was as if everything was black and white. You had to be some type of way, you had to fit the beauty standard, the education standard; there were just so many high standards that were impossible to reach. It was crazy.”
Choi said she felt as though in Korea, her options for her future, self-expression, and identity were limited due to the conservative society.
“There was just this straight line you had to follow, and if you didn’t, there was so much judgment,” she said. “Like, if you dyed your hair red here, no one would really care, but in Korea, it would be a big deal. And, in the US, there are so many different types of careers, especially more on the artistic side that are accepted, like music, which I am interested in, but over there, students didn’t really have many choices.”
Choi spent a year in Korea and though she found it difficult to adjust through many hardships, she didn’t have an entirely negative experience. She just knew it wasn’t the place for her.
“I think many aspects of the culture in Korea are beautiful,” she said. “I got to learn and experience so many new things there, but I just knew I had to [move back to the US] for my own sake.”
The turning point came when Choi returned to Korea after a vacation in San Diego.
“During my freshman year, I visited [San Diego] during winter break,” Choi said. “When I got on the plane to fly back to Korea, the feelings were just overwhelming. That was the moment I knew I had to move back [to the US], even if it meant being by myself. It was a sacrifice I had to make.”
Her family, in the beginning, was apprehensive of Choi going back by herself, however, eventually agreed.
“My parents were definitely iffy about it at first, since I was still 15 years old,” Choi said. 051632
“But, at the end of the day, they knew it was for my own happiness and well-being, so they were overall pretty okay with it. I moved back during my sophomore year and stayed with a friend of mine that I had known since elementary school.”
Choi was absolutely elated to be back to San Diego, and hoped that her life would become as it was before she’d left. However, Choi’s struggles did not end there.
“I expected everything to be the same when I got back,” Choi said. “I had really high expectations, but everything was so different. All my friends from eighth grade had gone to different schools and it was my first time at Westview as well. It just wasn’t what I thought it would be.”
The initial novelty of living away from her family also faded quickly, only being able to see them during the summer and sometimes over breaks.
“At first I was really excited to be on my own,” Choi said. “I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it definitely was. I don’t think you really realize how important family is, even if your relationship isn’t the best. Being completely separated from my parents and little sister was a lot harder than I thought and I realized how much I depended on my mom for everything. My little sister [as well], she is nine years old, I don’t think she realizes truly how much she’s helped me through with just her presence and the time we spend. And not having that anymore was so difficult for me. I don’t get to talk to them much either because Korea is 16 hours ahead.”
Even though her friend felt like family, Choi said, there was just something missing going back to their house every day.
“I just didn’t have a sense of ‘home’ anymore,” Choi said. “I was going to school and then when I came back, I never felt that overall sense of comfort, like when you step into your home and your family is there and you don’t really care about how you look or act. You can be loud and you could do whatever you want.”
The initial readjustment period was difficult for Choi, but she eventually got back on her feet, accustoming herself to a new life that more closely resembled her old one.
“I’ve become very independent,” she said. “I’ve had to learn how to live by myself and take care of my own needs, like taking myself to doctor appointments. It’s been really good to learn how to not depend on others and I think it’s really prepared me for the future.”
Choi had a scare at the end of her sophomore year, however, when she found herself without a place to live.
“My first arrangement with my friend was only meant to last a year,” Choi said. “So, when I had to move out, it was very stressful for me because I had to figure out where to live next if I wanted to stay [in the US]. At this point, school was ending in two weeks and I still hadn’t figured it out.”
Paris Rentz (12) had a solution. Only having known Choi for nine months, she offered Choi the opportunity to live at her residence.
“I just overheard her during our Yearbook class when we were all sitting at the same table,” Rentz said. “She was just talking to a few of the girls about how she was really stressed out about her living situation for the upcoming school year. I was like, ‘Claire, why don’t you come live with us?’ Because for me, we’ve had people live in our guest bedroom before, so it wasn’t that big of a deal for my family.”
Choi was in disbelief.
“I thought she was joking at first,” Choi said. “It all happened so abruptly, but I’m so grateful she offered and took me in.”
Choi has been living with Rentz since the start of the 2023-2024 school year. Though adjusting once more to someone else’s home has been difficult, she really enjoys being with Rentz.
“Paris is like a big sister to me,” Choi said. “I still miss living with my family and it’s still hard, but she and her family make me feel really comfortable.”
Rentz and her family have also had to adjust to Choi, particularly in things like transportation and parental boundaries.
“Since Claire doesn’t have a car, we’ve had to take up a little more responsibility, having to talk about who can take her to where she needs to go,” Rentz said. “My parents have also struggled with how to discipline and parent her because she’s not their daughter, so they’ve struggled with how to draw a line to not be too intrusive.”
However, Rentz said she and her family have loved living with Choi overall.
“Besides those things, it’s been really good,” she said. “My parents absolutely love her and even hang out with Claire without me. We eat dinner every night together and they definitely make sure she’s included in pretty much everything and support her, like by going to her volleyball games. Claire is one of my best friends now and she basically knows everything that is going on in my life. We also bake together from time to time as a kind of bonding activity.”
And even when Rentz graduates this year, her family doesn’t mind at all if Choi decides to continue to live with them.
“It’s just really great having her in the house,” Rentz said. “And though it’s so far in the future, my parents and I have already spoken about how she’s welcome to stay even when I go to college.”
As Choi settles into her junior year, she doesn’t have any regrets about the choices she’s made, throughout all the hardships.
“I’ve grown so much,” Choi said. “It’s been kind of a wreck, but I feel like overall, I’ve never been happier at the same time even through all the challenges. I had A LOT to heal from my experience in Korea, and being alone on top of that was very challenging for me. [But], the moment I stepped onto that plane [to go back to the US] from Korea, I just felt so free. I just know in my heart that I made the right decision.”
